Project Runways final three designers revealed: A Rant With Spoilers

*THIS ENTIRE POST IS A SPOILER FOR LAST NIGHT’S PROJECT RUNWAY*

Jesus Christ, did you watch the final elimination on Project Runway last night? What. The. F-ck. It was all kinds of wrong what happened to Michael! Okay, let me recap: on last week’s episode, they rejected WhatsIt, the young girl who was stuck in a rut designing every. Single. Piece. Like it was lingerie. So she needed to go, but I was really, really, REALLY hoping that Gretchen would go home too, but I was forced to wait until this week to really PRAY TO GOD that Gretchen would get sent home. She is one of the WORST designers to ever make it this far. And yes, I know she made a couple of cute pieces early in the season, and those pieces were somehow good enough to carry her through several challenges where she failed spectacularly.

So yes, I was just watching PR at this point just because I wanted Gretchen to fail, just as I watched and waited to see that nasty little bitch Ivy fail. I wanted Gretchen to get sent home even more though – she’s such a cold little psychopath, trash-talking every other designer all the way through the competition. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if she actually had the goods to back up her sizable ego – but she doesn’t. She’s a horrible f-cking designer. Her clothes always look so, so cheap, she has absolutely no eye for color or for pattern, and her basic design skills blow. She needs a new profession. But instead of getting one, she has her sh-tty, cheap designs applauded by Heidi Klum (and it seems like Heidi is the only one who really likes them at this point). Also: I hated how Gretchen emotionally unloaded on Tim Gunn when he came to visit her, like her life was in chaos because she’s such a noble struggling artist. She’s struggling because people are tired of dealing with her, because she’s a horrible designer and a really evil, unprofessional bitch. The whole interlude with Tim was her design to play on his (and our) heartstrings, and it was bullsh-t.

And so the final show happened… and it was disappointing overall. I like both Mondo and Andy, and I think one of them is going to win, and I’ve felt that way for weeks. So it was pretty much down to Gretchen or Michael, and I had hopes that Michael would deliver. Now, the judges seemed to hate Michael’s clothes, and I don’t know why, really. The feather skirt wasn’t great, but I loved the silk dress, and I thought his pants-and-shredded blouse were really beautiful, like vintage Escada. Yes, he was working in a very narrow color palette – so what? If he was only working with black, I bet there would have been no complaints. Beyond Michael’s stuff, Gretchen’s outfits were THE WORST. Worse than Andy’s cheesy little bikini. Worse than Mondo’s bizarre turquoise top with pink piping. Gretchen’s three looks were HIDEOUS. They looked like sh-t you would find in a Santa Fe flea market, or worse, Wal-Mart. They were cheap. They were unflattering. They were ugly.

And Gretchen got to move ahead to the final three. And Michael was cut!!! Such bullsh-t. And Michael was absolutely devastated too, sobbing and having a breakdown, so much so that I was sobbing and Mondo was crying and Andy was crying and Gretchen… sat there with that smug little look on her f-cked up face. Bitch. Team Michael.

So basically, I just have to watch the finale now just because at long last, Gretchen needs to have her smug, unprofessional, nasty ass handed to her. Nina Garcia needs to start trying to pull some rank on Heidi. This is ridiculous. If Gretchen WINS, I will no longer watch Project Runway. I swear.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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